


What Exactly Are We Doing Here?

by FanGirlyGlee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, crackity crack get together, ridiculous situations, sexy fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 18:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19068148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: Mick, Ray, and some fun-lovin' ladies are gonna be havin' sex.





	What Exactly Are We Doing Here?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be upfront. This is silly. It's smutty and funny (I hope you laugh) and devoid of deeper meaning.  
> Mick and Ray are gonna be bangin' other people - women who I hesitate to call original "characters" because they are ridiculously two dimensional.  
> There is no plot and the progression from S1 through S4 is alluded to.  
> I don't wanna hear any "this is weird" nonsense because I know it's weird. I wrote it.

The first time it happened was after the Legends defeated Vandal Savage.  While Ray thought it unseemly to celebrate any man’s death, no matter how evil, he agreed with Rip that everyone needed to blow off steam.  Mick dragged Ray and Sara to a bar in Star City where he said he was practically royalty only to discover that the area had been gentrified, and his old watering hole had become an upscale pub catering to a clientele that had never heard of the notorious Heatwave.  Ray opened a tab and Mick started ordering drinks based entirely on whether they had a dirty name; shouting out each as loudly as possible.   Ray was finishing a _slow comfortable screw_ when the bartender started lining up shots.  The odds of keeping up with Sara and Mick approached zero, but he was feeling lucky and decided to see how far he could get before his liver cried uncle.  A _slippery nipple_ went down smoothly, followed by a _red hot pussy_.   “No hands, Haircut,” Mick instructed as he pushed something topped with whipped cream to the scientist and another to the assassin.  “Blowjob shot,” Sara explained whilst flipping Mick off.  Ray stared at it, trying to decide how to proceed, when the lady on the adjacent stool said, “You look like you could use some help.  May I?”  He nodded and watched in fascination as she picked up the shot glass in her mouth, tossed it back, swallowed, and set it neatly on the bar without so much as a cough.

“Wow, you’re good at that,” Ray said admiringly.

“Lots of practice,” she replied with a wink.  She introduced herself as Kathy.  She ordered another round for the two of them, and Ray only choked a little bit when he got whipped cream up his nose. 

 

The next thing Ray knew he was swaying rhythmically.  He belched loudly before asking, “Are we on a boat?  Mick, did you steal a boat?”

“You’re on couch.”

“Is the couch on a boat?”

“No, it’s in an apartment.”  Mick’s words were punctuated with heavy breathing.

Ray peeled open one eye and turned his head enough that he could see that he was indeed seated safely in the middle of a sofa.  Kathy was next to him, draped over the arm with the top half of her body spread across the cushions.  It took Ray a minute to realize why she was in that position with Mick standing behind her.  They were…engaged.  “What the hell is going on?” he squeaked.

Kathy lifted her head and grinned.  “Was gonna let you go first Sweetie but you fell asleep while eating me out.  Thanks, by the way.  It was great until I thought you died.”  She moaned loudly.  “Aw yeah, just like that, big fella.” 

Mick must have obliged because she got louder.   Alcohol was to blame for this, Ray decided.  He vaguely recalled drinking called an alligator tail.  “Ugnh, never drink anything green,” he groaned.  Too disoriented to move, he just tipped his head back and tried to pretend that he was in fact at sea, not in the middle of his first – very awkward - threesome.  Suddenly there was giggling and his jeans were being unzipped.  He looked down to see nimble fingers reaching into his underpants.  “As I recall, you were very interested in my tits,” Kathy drawled.  She propped herself up on her elbows and jiggled for him. 

“Yesssss,” he hissed softly.  “They’re very nice.”

“You still wanna cum all over ‘em?”

The fluttering in Ray’s stomach that was equal parts arousal and nausea wasn’t going away anytime soon so he figured he might as well roll with it. “Sure,” was the last coherent word he uttered that evening. 

He kept his eyes on Kathy’s impressive bosom and the way her dark red nails looked wrapped around his dick, which apparently had no issues with how much he’d had to drink. It felt damn good being touched by another person, even if that person was currently being pounded by another guy.  When he woke up, back on the Waverider, Ray had a pounding headache and a pleasant image that would feature prominently in his fantasies for some time to come.  He remained blissfully unaware of how Mick had finished up the night, but assumed it was equally enjoyable.  Sara, on the other hand, made him promise never to go drinking with Mick again because she did not want to have to drag his “tall ass” home. 

 

Because of his genial nature and good manners people often assumed, wrongly, that Ray Palmer was a prude.  In truth he enjoyed a healthy sex life with both casual and long-term partners.  However, he was more than a little embarrassed to have gotten himself in such an indelicate situation.  Ray was glad Mick never brought the matter up, though he couldn’t help but wonder if it was the sort of thing the other man did often.  He decided it was best not to imagine sorts of debauchery Mick Rory got up to.  Ray might enjoy the occasional one-night stand, but he wasn’t sure about threesomes with a male friend.

 

After breaking time, Mick ran off to Aruba and the team had no chance to enjoy their victory over the Legion of Doom.  Once the team got back together the Waverider started making regular stops in Central City so Martin and Jax could visit their families.  On one such layover Mick announced a field trip to Saints & Sinners for.  _There_ most of the patrons knew his name, if only because he was the reason there were fire extinguishers placed strategically around the establishment, including the bathrooms.   Sara proceeded to trounce Mick at darts while Nate introduced Amaya to foosball, leaving Ray free to chat with a young woman named Angie.  After checking to make sure no one could overhear, Ray played the “my fiancée left me after 2 years for her real soulmate” card. Angie was newly single herself, and very sympathetic.   When she excused herself to use the restroom, Mick sidled up to Ray.  “You doin’ all right, Haircut?”

“Yes, Mick. I can take care of myself.”

“That’s debatable.  Hopin’ you can take your lady friend elsewhere while I _entertain_ her roommate.”  He jerked a thumb in the direction of a petite redhead at a nearby table whose denim skirt looked painted on.  Rolling his eyes, Ray nodded and rose to meet Angie, suggesting that they go to her nearby apartment.

After rolling around on her appallingly low thread count sheets they were both hungry so Ray excused himself to use the bathroom before they went out for pancakes or tacos or whatever people who just met and had sex did in 2017.  He took a moment to smile in the mirror. He hadn’t anticipated having such a wild time in his thirties.   Upon his return to the bedroom, Angie was nowhere to be seen, but there was a pair of boot clad feet hanging over the edge of the bed.  There were two, no three, bodies under the comforter and there was a lot of giggling. 

“Uh, hi,” Ray said, cringing at how lame he sounded. 

“Hey Haircut,” came the muffled response.  “Thought you were done and gone.”

Angie’s head popped out near Mick’s left foot.  “Ray! I didn’t know you knew Mick.  He’s a legend around here.”

“Really?” Ray’s tone dripped sarcasm that was lost on his very excited new friend. 

“Yeah, not just for the burning stuff, ya know, but his _other_ skills.”  A loud yelp came from the other end of the bed and a denim skirt flew onto the floor.  Angie frowned.  “Heather! Don’t start without me.  Uh, Ray, do you mind?”

He threw up his hands.  “It’s not up to me.”

She pursed her lips.  “No, I mean, I’m definitely gonna do this, but I don’t want you to go away mad.  Cuz I already told Heather about the way your dick curves and she wants to try it.”

On cue, Heather poked her head out between Mick’s feet and began tugging off his boots. “Hi Ray.  Looking forward to it.”

As both girls ducked under the covers, Ray sat down in nearby chair and tried to think his way through the situation.  This was definitely beyond the limits of his experience.  Supposedly being with two women at the same time was the subject of every man’s fantasies.  If so, Mick was living the dream. Was four people considered group sex, and if so, was Ray just supposed to wait his turn or was he expected to watch?  Did he want to watch?  The sounds alone were prompting renewed interest from his nether regions.  As he worried about what to do next, the covers slipped off the trio in question and Ray was confronted by the sight of two women perched atop his friend.  Thankfully, Mick’s face was hidden by Angie’s body and Heather was sitting astride his hips.  Both appeared to be enjoying themselves immensely.  Angie began to tremble.  “Holy shit, Heather you weren’t kidding. He is awesome.”

Until that moment Ray hadn’t considered the situation competitive, but that being the case he would have to step up his game.  Condoms and lube were sitting out on the nightstand.  Ray got himself sheathed and slicked before moving to the side of the bed.  He leaned over to kiss Angie first, then Heather; snaking his tongue into her mouth.  He couldn’t help catching glimpses of Mick’s body; the top of his head, his smooth abdomen, the wiry thatch of hair where…

Angie moaned louder, drowning out the obscene noises coming from between her thighs.    Heather reached over and tugged on Ray’s cock, making him gasp.  She looked him in the eye.  “Want this in my ass,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“Right now?” Ray was keenly aware that he was incapable of talking dirty. 

“Uh huh.”  Before he could figure out the logistics of how he would penetrate her while she was riding Mick, Heather hopped off and jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him.  Never had a height difference been so advantageous.  Pressing her back against the window frame, Ray braced himself with his left hand and used his right to snake slippery fingers into the tight channel as requested.  “Do it,” she urged.  He slid inside without too much difficulty as Heather growled and bit his shoulder.  “Fuck me, you tall son of a bitch.”

Ray obliged, his head swimming.  He was having anal intercourse with a stranger just feet from another man, who was pleasuring the woman he’d just had sex with.   The four of them were generating so much heat he thought he might combust.  With Heather holding onto him for dear life, Ray was able to work his hand between their bodies and use his fingers to help her along.  She rubbed against him eagerly and he he held her tightly until her body stopped spasming, then set her down on the nearest chair.  He leaned against the nearest wall, trying to catch his breath only to have Angie launch herself at him, affixing her lips to his.  Her mouth tasted different from when they’d kissed before and it took a second for Ray to realize he was tasting Mick on her tongue.  Suddenly he was seized with the desire to experience Mick’s flavor all on its own.  That thought, coupled with the way Angie trapped his erection between her thighs did him in.  His mouth hung open as he let out a plaintive moan.  While the other three collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed, Ray fled into the night.   

 

It seemed that, once again, Mick wasn’t going to talk about _it_.  But Ray had so many questions about what _it_ was and what if anything it meant.  When Ray was leaving Angie and Heather’s apartment, desperate for fresh air, he couldn’t stop himself from taking one last look back.  There were three people on that bed, and they might have made room for one more.  In retrospect he was proud to have contributed to the ladies’ satisfied sleep, but unnerved by the way Mick lay snoring contentedly.  Did Mick do this with his other friends?  Was it some sort of bonding experience?  The man valued his privacy, but in those moments he certainly hadn’t been shy.    

As was his habit when working on a problem, Ray made a list of things he felt he needed to know and who he thought could help him get the information he needed.  He started with his best friend.

“Hey Nate, can I ask you a personal question?” 

“Ray, I told you that it was gonna itch if you didn’t keep it neat down there.”

“Yeah I saw the post-it notes you left in the bathroom. I’m sure Sara and Zari are thrilled to know that I’m manscaping.  I was going to ask, uh, have you ever had a threesome?”

Nate looked wistful. “I was so close once.  These chicks from the museum of natural history was down for it, but then their roommate called and told them her cat died so they went to hang with her instead.”

“Okay, have you ever maybe had sex with someone and then a friend of yours also had sex with that person?”

“Yeah, it’s called being Eskimo brothers. And Amaya and I are totally going to get back together so don’t make me fight you, bro.”

“Not what I was trying to say, but good for you.  What I meant was have you ever had sex with a woman and then a friend has sex with that same woman fairly soon afterward? Or say he’s in the same room, but you never touch so it isn’t technically a three or foursome.”

Nate put down the weights and looked him up and down.  “Dude, you wanna tell me something?  I know you’ve been a little lonely lately, but I don’t like you like that.”

Ray sighed in exasperation.  “Get over yourself, Heywood.  You’re not my type – probably, I mean if I had one, which I don’t…most likely.  I mean this is completely hypothetical. Oh, forget about it.”

 

Life had a way of going forward without caring if he was battling anxiety over his sex life.  Ray did some background reading and watched a lot of porn with MMF threesomes.   Then Leo showed up round and Ray figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask a subject matter expert.

“Leo, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Raymond.  Always happy to give my opinion.  By the way, I like the hint of salt in your adorably messy pepper-colored hair. Lends some maturity to your boyish charm.”

Ray hated that he blushed.  “Thanks, uh, this might seem strange, but I don’t know any other gay men.”

The right side of Leo’s mouth angled upward.  “Why Raymond, are you experiencing a bit of bi-curiosity?”

“Yeah, for a while now.  I’m getting fairly comfortable with the idea, though I haven’t exactly done anything about it.  I need more information and there are limits to what the internet can offer that’s reliable.”

 “Go on.”

“Without getting too detailed, or pretending I’m speaking hypothetically, I need to know if a man who keeps arranging to have three and more-somes with me is trying to let me know that he’s open to more. Is he waiting for me to make a move?”

Fingers steepled, Leo looked thoughtful.  “He hasn’t flirted with you; tried to catch your attention with his _performance_?”

“No.”  Ray was starting to feel foolish.  “He never says anything.  He just does it.  I suppose he could be an exhibitionist, but then again maybe it’s a way of demonstrating trust in me and I’m taking it wrong.”

“I think you’ve answered your own question, Raymond.  He could simply enjoy screwing and not care who’s in the vicinity.”

Ray nodded.  “So the only way I would know if he’s interested would be to talk to him about it.”

“I hear it’s all the rage with adults these days.”

Eventually the Legends defeated a demon.  Well, the others did the actual fighting while Ray was off saving Nora, which he did not regret any more than he did giving her the time stone to escape.  Despite the blue fluff everyone was picking out of their hair it was pretty heavy. 

Jax was married and had a baby girl.  Sara and Ava were back together.  But Nate had to say goodbye to Amaya, and Rip was dead.

Ray wanted to be somewhere other than the Waverider.  He got to the jump ship to find Mick already in it. “Oh, were you going someplace?”

“Everyplace is someplace, Haircut, but I’m not headed anyplace in particular and I don’t need to go alone.”

Taking that as an invitation, Ray stepped inside and buckled up.  Mick took them to a beautiful city with gleaming metal spires. It was clearly centuries beyond their time and Ray wasn’t the least bit concerned.  As long as he was with Mick he knew he’d be okay.  “What’s the plan? Get drunk and fight robots?”

Mick sighed.  “Can’t _fight_ robots.  They got lasers and shit.  And the booze is all fake in this time period.  Only one reason to be here.”

He led Ray through the very clean streets to a slightly less bright and shiny part of the city that was nevertheless well-kept.  Mick flashed a metal square and was admitted to a storefront.  Ray followed obediently as they were shown into a sort of lounge area.  Mick took off his jacket and sat back as a holographic display appeared in front of them.  Mick started flipping through images of women.  Ray squirmed in his seat until Mick kicked his foot.  “Relax, Haircut, they ain’t real.”

“Meaning it’s an amazing virtual experience of they’re sex bots?” Ray chuckled and then caught Mick’s knowing look.  “Seriously?”

Mick pointed to one of the _ladies_ displayed.  Her breasts were comically large.  “You know any woman whose spine could handle those?”

“No, no, I do not,” Ray whispered.  What did Mick want him to say? Was he supposed to pick out his own partner or maybe…“Mick, why do you want to do this with me - again? I’ve been trying to figure out what you want; if any of it means anything.”

The other man looked at him with a glint in his eye that Ray had rarely seen.  “What do _you_ want, Ray?”

His heart racing, Ray spoke before he could panic.  “I wanna fuck a robot with you, Mick.  I want to do her from behind while she’s going down on you.”

Eyes darkening, Mick remained still.  “Yeah? What next – we trade places?”

Ray's mouth was dry. "Yeah, and then maybe I trade places with her." He waited for Mick to get angry and yell at him

"You wanna pick out our companion?" he asked smoothly

Giddy, Ray suggested, “Why not two?”

“Why not indeed?”

Twelve hours later, sated and slightly chafed, they were back on the jump ship.  “You feelin’ all right, Ray?”

“Yeah. Um, so I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but…”

“Talk about it all you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I want more.”

“Figured you might.”

"I want to fool around with just you, when there’s no one else around.”

“Okay.”

“I don't want you to be with anyone else without me.”

“Got it.”

“Wow, that was so much easier than I thought it would be.”

“Shit, Haircut, I only been waitin’ a year.”


End file.
